A writing of thoughts on a day to remember…

November 11th. The day we need to remember. We remember all those who fought in wars, all those who died in wars and all those who sacrificed their ‘timeline of life” so that we could live a long and wondrous one. A life that matches the timeline we were intended to.

But, then, we think of that statement… and if you get into faith, you think… that was their intended timeline- that was their path. Thanks to them, and their purpose in life; we live longer. But we will never know for sure, and so we need to remember. It is essential to remember.

In my own faith, all I can say is God bless them.

But this year is an interesting year. 2016. The year we lost David Bowie, Prince, Muhammed Ali, Gene Wilder and my latest heartbreak…Leonard Cohen. So, you may ask how can I tie these moments together? I’m not going to tie them together. But I will talk about how crappy this week has been. I will talk about how all these people have gone… and how we may be easily forgetting their promotion of life and their efforts in pulling humanity together. Just as those who sacrificed their lives, did. We are forgetting unity of the one race- The HUMAN RACE.

Neither for Trump, nor for Clinton; I, as a human being who has seen some good fights for freedom and equality in her short lifetime, was saddened by this week’s political decision to elect someone who has taken the last 116 years alone and added poor ingredients to the pot of progress. This election marked a divide in humanity. A popularity contest. And might I add… one that did not actually have a popular person on either side (but that is just me- as I believe there were some big fault lines on either side. But we allowed our personal hearts to grasp to the better of the two. For some they grasped to the winner, and the rest of us grasped to the loser). We had to muster up our values to match with the candidate we thought was better for the job. But through it all- it has nothing to do with the candidates themselves. It was that our values were demonstrating great divide. Our values as the Human Race created rifts… instead of bringing together for the greater good. The American people are either devastated or elated. And now- instead of working together, they will spend the next four years learning how to move together again. Learn how to do the shimmy or the twist.

Is this progress?

wellsville-dugout

No. It’s not. It looks like “one step forward and four steps back. Not a positive dance.

All that work. All those efforts of our soldiers; our family members/ our friends/ our neighbours who fought and died for us. In one poorly educated act of painting on a wall, a decision made… it tore down all of their work. And this is just ONE example. I digress, because I do not want anything else so horrible in my blog. But humans need to see this… We VOWED we would never go back there! This is absolutely disgusting!  There is not difference in the HUMAN RACE!!! Our ancestors are of all lines. We are all connected together. There is no colour. But, if you want to argue about colour- we are a rainbow of beauty. Everyone is always mesmerized by the beauty of a rainbow. Our earth has been painted by this beauty of all different colours of people walking and moving together and most of all… working together.

maxresdefault

This remembrance day is more important than ever. We need to now rebuild. We need to now remember the people who are no longer with us and educate properly. We need to share, speak, tell stories and not allow social media to take away the ability to have normal communication with other human beings. Everyone on this earth is part of one group… the Human Race. We cannot divide anymore. We cannot look at color. No more walls.

Love the humans, the trees, the birds, the bees.

All these “famous” people who died this year- they respected the Human Race. All the soldiers who sacrificed their lives for us- they respected the Human Race.

Quotes that promote love of Human Race:

‘Love thy neighbour as thyself.’– The ten commandments.

‘The truth is of course is that there is no journey. We are arriving and departing all at the same time.’- David Bowie

‘Dearly beloved, we are gather here today to get through this thing called life’- Prince

Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth.’– Muhammed Ali

‘What is essential, is invisible to the eye’– Gene Wilder

and now saving the best for last…

‘And every breath we drew was Hallelujah’ – Leonard Cohen.

Humanity is one group. Let’s keep fighting for the unity that all those who promoted it and fought so that they do not live in vain.

Namaste.

nb: These are my feelings, and my opinion. Yes, with human conversation, I can be proved wrong. You may not agree with me. That’s ok. But, at the end of the day- remember- I will laugh with you, be your friend and pay for my rent on earth by being there for you and our differences. please be respectful.

All these books… but only I can “Self Help”.

Forgive me. I feel very cynical these days. I have been in crisis mode for the last six months. I have read books on “self help”, I have seen therapists, osteopaths and meditated. But nothing is helping. Nothing until last week…

Last week, I read the book “Love Warrior” by Glennon Doyle Melton. Something sparked me. It was not that she was the “end all and be all” of self help. The book was fantastic! What connected with me, was the honesty she had with herself. This may have been the only thing I connected to with her book. I did not relate to her “capes” that she wore to deal with life. I never drank to oblivion, I never was bulimic, and I never did drugs. Those, I realise are her capes. Her ability however, to tell the world about all of her rock bottoms basically has allowed me to look critically of myself and know that I have the following issues:

  1. I care more for the people around me, what they think and how I can make their lives better- because asking them is way easier than asking myself.
  2. I apologize to everyone for basically “being me”.
  3. I love online shopping.

All of these things are diversion techniques to not deal with the issues that have allowed me to slowly (and not so subtly) think  “I am not good enough”.

When I was young, my Father died of Cancer. The poor man started out with Testicular Cancer. In the 1970’s, Cancer was not fully understood to the degree it is today. As he waited, his Cancer grew and spread. It spread in his body for 3 years. This in turn made my Mom have to work well over time and my sister and I have to grow up differently. My dad’s ultimate demise was a brain tumor. I was 4 and a half. It was days before Christmas.

The magic of Christmas has always been a struggle for me. While the world counts down for the time of giving, remembering the gift of life and the time of sharing love; Christmas was a time for remembering that my Dad was taken away. It’s kinda always been that way. Don’t get me wrong! I LOVE Christmas. But, I love it because my Mom, who worked so hard to get through the dreadful anniversary, made Christmas magic. With great stress and overtime work; it was magic. But I digress…

My childhood before school was taking bad images of my Father in the hospital and making good ones for my brain to keep seeing. Daydreaming and taking stress to a “Unicorn world” was what I did. But, it became a habit, and a solid learned behaviour. What then ended up happening, was I began getting in trouble for not listening. The yelling and questioning started from Teachers in school. My mom, once I arrived home, would then have to figure out how to fix this problem. She kinda had enough on her plate at the time… so understandably so, I’d get in trouble at home.  But… what was my coping mechanism? Daydreams and make believe.

I relate strongly with the students in the classroom of Charlie Brown cartoons. As I sat in French school from Kindergarten to grade 3, all I heard in the background of my daydream land was the muffled sound of the Teacher (mwah mwah, mwah mwah mwah….).  I knew how to look at the speaker while I was bouncing on clouds in my head. The teachers thought I was listening. I can honestly say, I don’t think I spoke in school for 4 years. I didn’t know how to speak french. I was a classic case of being pushed through the system and the product of memorization.

Not learning the foundations proved to make learning VERY difficult for me in the years to come. I think of school… ugh… I cringe. So, why am I now a Teacher? So that I can take notice of the students who have trouble. To figure out ways of learning for the students who create barriers. Needless to say, it creates a lot of angst and many an hour of figuring out how to connect with their brains. Wait… what about my brain? Did I ever take the time for that? Hmmm. nope.

So, my point to all this bloggity blog is this; I have been off for a few of months from a concussion (my 5th one in my life) which then turned into an Anxiety fest. A horrible party of thoughts I didn’t invite but showed up anyways because,  “a thought of a thought invited that thought, and then they came with the other thoughts…” It’s been the worst party I have ever attended.  Ever. I have had to ask myself to “dance , talk and be intimate with myself” for all these months and I keep turning me away. I am not good enough.

“Can you even dance?”

“Hells Yes! Why would you think that?”

“Because you were at an event one time and you saw a colleague point and laugh at you while you were Dancing.”

“Oh yeah, that… well she did that to everyone…”

“So, then you can dance?”

“Yes. I can find a beat. I may not be ‘Dance Show’ worthy; but i know how to have fun!”

And so today, I’m going to start to dance. I warn you; It’s going to be full on elementary dancing. The “side step- hit heel- side step hit heel- keep arms straight and hands on shoulders” kinda dance.  This blog will be my personal sharing of self discoveries. The courage I will take to do “extreme sports” with myself and understand as to why, I feel I need to apologize for me if I bounce of the big red ball badly in “wipeout scenes”. I am going to learn how to wipe out in style, stand up and like my daughter, scream “I’m ok!! and brush it off and keep going.” Dealt with, done and move forward. No apologies.

Gosh darn it… I am ok. I am good enough. (I give you permission to say it all in Stuart Smalley’s voice… I did too.)

I am off to read, experiment and learn. Ciao for now.