An ode to reality.

One of my best friends came into my life a mere 16 years ago. I met her one night at an old “staple” watering hole of the west island that is now closed, called Clydes. My partner at the time, and I went to meet a gang of people there. I was the newbie. It was the night of “meeting the friends”.  The night of showing that you were worth meeting. Every person cordially greeted me.  They all made me feel welcome. Then, Rhi came right up to me, wrapped her arms around me and held me as if we were long lost friends seeing each other after decades of separation. She did the happy sway hug that you do when you have so much emotion of joy. She held me back, looked at me and said “I am so happy to meet you!” (spoiler alert: if you didn’t see the show, she may have had a glass of wine). She and I have been real with each other ever since. Truth, reality, acceptance and trust. True friendship.

Peace.

A calm heart occurs when love is given. Questioning subsides when truth is spoken directly to you. When truth is withheld from you, and then spoken to others, a sense of doubt in yourself and in the world around can fill you.  Acceptance comes from the truth being spoken and knowing that there is good and bad in each individual but being ready for both sides. If you will, it is loving both the Jekyll and the Hyde as equally as can be.

As I tenderly stepped through my week back to work, I saw how I listened to the broken telephone in the past, and built my solid doubt in myself. Anxiety. Nerves. It is easy to hear half of the information and, as a human, want to try to figure out a theory from only some of the parts. It is easy in chaos to leave out information and not understand the truth in someone’s words and actions. None the less, this can be what kills truth and breeds negativity. Being stronger in self and proud of who I am now, has allowed me to see that many people show love and friendship in different styles. My reaction to those styles has proven to be more calm, processed and accepting. Things that I used to take so personally have instantaneously (and suddenly) become more humbled intakes. Truth. A giggle, a blush and then a response of “you’re right. I will try differently”. Knowing self, and seeing that people see you creates equality in your heart. Equality is an even playing field that builds trust. What hit me this week is that the world is NOT against me. was against me. I did not have the love, trust and acceptance for me. In me not having that trust of self, those who are around me have felt a bit nervous, if you will. Perhaps they’ve had to walk on egg shells.

Crush those egg shells! Sweep them away. Make your path clean and know that you have a place. Not being good at something is not bad! It’s just that you are not meant for it. You’re still finding your place. Be patient! You will find it.

I carefully went to all of the beauties that have covered for me during my lengthy leave of absence. Little did (and do) they know of the  warmth it gave me, as they supported me blindly while I was on leave. It was to me, that acceptance and care of humans that sometimes lacks. I thanked each one, told them I was truly appreciative of their support. Each one will carry on with those tasks that they took on, and follow through to the end of the year. Each one will carry their strength and success they’ve built, and see it through to a final package. But, I offered to them my love and appreciation back by saying that I would be there If ever they needed me. My character is to support. My character is to show gratitude. Reality demonstrates however that knowing truth for some, can make for very awkward situations. Or, some may perhaps become very worried that I would be about to fall back into my old ways of frantic anxiety and self deprecation, after having loaded myself up too much. (I assure you, it’s not the case). From this past experience with me, they sought out support. They put up flags.

This is a solid form of reality when it comes to trying to help others. It can demonstrate care. Sadly though, so many things can be misconstrued when reality is presented in this manner.  What needs to be built is trust again. Time, consistency and positivity can only regain trust. Once that trust, pride in self and faith in others is restored; sense of place becomes whole again. Hopefully they will gradually see my calmer heart and stronger sense of self. Hopefully, I will slowly demonstrate to those around me that, I am beginning to understand my sense of place. My acceptance in myself and truth with myself will eventually show people I am not trying to prove myself anymore. It will show that, I know how to move forward. I will still offer my help, but only when I know that I am capable of being a positive support. I have learned the concept of limitations. Trust will be regained.

Rhi, like any human being, moves through this world and questions things as she goes along. Yet her ability to read others, and approach to many with understanding that we are all here together, has shown me how simple life really CAN be. She embraced me fully and completely. She took on my whole package, and tells me when that package is needing replenishment. Both her Mother and her Father taught her points that make her take on life like it is the ultimate adventure (on most days). She shares that knowledge with those around her. Her late father, Peter, always would say “Tell me what you know for sure…”. It’s funny; while one’s answer has to undeniably be “nothing”,  I do know that if you don’t accept yourself, others will have trouble doing the same in you.

So I finish off by saying:

“Go forth and be you; Wonderful!”screen-shot-2017-01-13-at-10-01-51-am

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